Practice Daily with Devotion Toward Your Success – Dr Foojan Zeine chats with Dr. Eric Maisel and David Wood

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-wfh63-10e5b1b

Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio.  In this segment- Practice Daily with Devotion Toward Your Success –  Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about how to remain centered and calm while other’s anxiety and rage goes rampant.

She chats with Dr. Eric Maisel, the author of more than fifty books on creativity and personal growth, including The Power of Daily Practice. Widely regarded as America’s foremost creativity coach. He writes the Rethinking Mental Health blog for Psychology Today and facilitates creativity and deep writing workshops around the world. www.ericmaisel.com.  Dr. Foojan answers  your question OF “why am I shy and don’t want to be around people and what to do?”  She then brings you David Wood, a former consulting actuary to Fortune 100 companies. He built the world’s largest coaching business, becoming #1 on Google for life coaching and coaching thousands of hours in 12 countries around the globe. As well as helping others, David is no stranger to overcoming challenges himself, having survived a full collapse of his paraglider and a fractured spine, witnessing the death of his sister at age seven, anxiety and depression. He coaches high-performing business owners to double revenue, and their time off by focusing on less and being 30% more courageous in their business or career.  He is the co-author of the book: The Mouse in the room, because the elephant is not alone.   www.myfocusgift.com 

 

 

Go to my website: http://www.foojan.com

 

 

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Hang on While others Blast

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One of the most requested topics is ” how do I not react aggressively or emotionally when others are emotional?”

Empathy and compassion are one of the most important and necessary values of human beings.  When we see another human in pain, feel sad, or are afraid, we tend to move forward to soothe the person’s emotions.  However, it is harder to hold empathy and compassion for others when they are anxious or angry, especially when it is directed toward us. 

It appears that sadness or fear does not produce intimidation or a threat to us, therefore we can extend our empathy and compassion to them. Other people’s anxiety produces agitation, most probably because it ignites our own anxiety, or that the person can not see our logic about a future that has not happened yet.  However other people’s anger becomes threatening and usually ignites our anger and defensiveness. 

So if mirroring and reflecting other people’s emotions is a norm then how could we stop ourselves from reacting harshly when they do?  We see this in all relationships. 

Examples are: when we are driving and another driver cuts us or looks at us with anger. When we come home and our spouse is angry and lashes out. When we go to work and our boss has a bad day and demands something from us. When our customer criticizes us harshly.  

How can we keep centered while others are blasting? 

• Don’t take it personally. If someone is experiencing a feeling, it is due to their perception and not yours. 
• Acknowledge that their emotions are not yours
• Listen to what they are saying from a third-person stance vs. being toward you
• Care for them and their well-being
• Clarify by repeating what they are saying or what you think they mean 
• Set boundaries if necessary
• Remove yourself if necessary
• Feel compassion for what they are going through
• Care for your own emotions and your body
• Ask if you can support them in any way
• Act accordingly to calm the other person or offer them what they are requesting
• Release your tension by journaling, running, exercise, or sleeping. 
• Center yourself by imagining that you are part of nature and connected to the earth.  

For more observational skills and learning in how to distinguish between your thoughts, emotions or behaviors go to my book:  “Life Reset: The Awareness Integration Path to Create the Life You  Want“. 

Love

Foojan

Handling Emotional & Physical Pain – Dr. Foojan chats with Faith Elicia & Barby Ingle

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-sv8hr-10dc5e3

Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio.  In this segment- Handling Emotional & Physical Pain–  Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about how to transfer our skills from one area to other areas of our life. Dr. Foojan chats with Faith Elicia about her journey through eating disorder, and her new book, Do You See What I See?  an interactive workbook of personal reflections, strategies, and tools for anyone suffering from an eating disorder. www.faithelicia.com.  Dr. Foojan in the Ask Me segments shares how to watch for your agitation which can cling to any matter and create a fight within as well as with others. And then she brings you Barby Ingle, President of International Pain Foundation, and the author of Wheels to Heals, sharing her powerful story about life-changing events that forced reflection and sprouts her journey. http://www.barbyingle.com .  Check out my website: http://www.foojan.com

 

 

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Make your skills work for you in all areas of your life

There are many times in life when you know skills in communication, negotiation, emotional regulation, rising above it all, etc. however, you may choose not to use them. 

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You might know how to empathize and be compassionate, and yet at times you become cold and hold on to your negative judgments.  You might know how to negotiate in your career, but choose not to negotiate with your mate. You might know how to communicate cordially with people even if you don’t feel good or are angry, yet choose not to be cordial when communicating with your family members. You might be understanding toward strangers and refuse to accept your children to do the same thing. 

What are some reasons for these types of disconnect?  

People usually have different beliefs, rules, parameters, boundaries, emotional attachments for different areas of their lives.  They may not care much about strangers and therefore not have the same intensity of emotions or insistence in upkeeping certain standards. They may have learned a particular type of communication as an adult in a work environment and therefore compartmentalize and only classify that communication style to work category and not family settings.  They may feel safe and close with family members and spouses to unleash and express all of their emotions, while they do not feel safe for others to see this side of them.  They may hold an elevated sense of expectation from a parent that they would not have from a neighbor. They may think that they have to win and be the boss in some environment while they are aware that the same thing will not be available in other areas. and so on….

The important factor is – when you have the tool or the skill, and you already see the positive result in one area, apply it to all areas of your life.  Most life skills are transferable and useful in all areas of life.  If you see that your communication style works in your career, then use it at home. When you see that you can negotiate the best deals for yourself, then bring that negotiation skills into your daily interactions with people at work, or at home.  As you experience that you are cable of regulating your anger and anxiety well with your customer, then use the same skills with your spouse or children.  

It takes observation and attentiveness toward daily skills. Appreciating the skill as it creates favorable results. Applying the workable skills to other areas of your life with consideration of various boundaries in different areas of your life.  Testing to see if it gives similar favorable results in other areas of life. Modifying those skills when deem necessary to match the specific boundaries and parameters of a particular area of your life. 

For more observational skills and learning ways to clear the past wounds so that you can open yourself up go to my book:  “Life Reset: The Awareness Integration Path to Create the Life You  Want“. 

Love

Foojan

Letting Go – Dr. Foojan chats with Peter Russell

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ftncd-10d320b

Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio.  In this segment- Letting Go –  Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about how we deserve to live a life of fulfillment by living our essence to its full potential.  Dr. Foojan brings you Peter Russell, the author of Letting Go of Nothing and From Science to God, who earned degrees in theoretical physics, psychology, and computer science at the University of Cambridge in England, where he studied for a time with Stephen Hawking. He studied meditation and Eastern philosophy in India and later conducted research into the neurophysiology of meditation. www. peterrussell.com http://www.foojan.com

 

 

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Pleasure, Pain and All – Dr. Foojan chats with Dr. Jia Gottlieb about Pleasure

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-33zr3-10ca390

Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio.  In this segment – Pleasure, Pain and All – Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about observing your destructive patterns and their impact on your life. She shares with you about the impact of hearing the news of your friends passing due to covid in the Ask Me segment. I bring you Dr. JIA GOTTLIEB, who is a physician with a unique therapeutic approach based on his extensive training in both Western medicine and Eastern healing arts. During a 12-day trek in the Himalayas, he found his calling as a doctor. He received his MD from Northwestern University, completed his residency in family medicine, and then traveled to China, Japan, and India to study acupuncture, martial arts, yoga, and other ancient practices. Shortly after returning to the States, Dr. Gottlieb established Still Mountain Clinic in Boulder, Colorado. Today we will be talking about his latest book: Aah… The Pleasure Book. www.DrJiaMD.com

Connect with me at http://www.foojan.com

Difficult to be and to be with Difficult People – Dr. Foojan Chats with Dr. Jeremy Sherman regarding “What’s up with A-holes?”

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-9xkd6-10c0e18

Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio.  In this segment – Difficult to be and to be with Difficult People – Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about how we contribute constantly to the fights and altercations that come up for us daily. She talks about how to talk to people who are resistant to conversations in the Ask Me segment. Dr. Foojan chats with Dr. Jeremy Sherman.   He has a Ph.D. in evolutionary epistemology and a master’s in public policy.  He’s the author of the Columbia University Press Book Neither Ghost Nor Machine: The emergence and nature of selves but also 1000 articles with 9 million readers for Psychology Today on everyday practicalities, including how to deal with Total Jerks. His latest book is called “What’s Up with Assholes? Advanced Psychoproctology for Beginners. http://www.jeremysherman.co

Check my website: http://www.foojan.com

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Stop Living In Constant Unnecessary Fear and Suspicion

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 “As I sit in my car driving home, I call my husband and he does not pick up. My mind goes to hundred different places. Is he OK? Is he talking to someone? Who? Is he not picking up my call purposely? Is he talking to another woman? Does he not love me anymore? Is he……. “These are what goes on in Pamela’s mind. She says that she remains in that suspicious mode all night and then dreams about it. I ask if there is a reason or any evidence for her suspicion. She powerfully says, “Nope but can’t control it”.

There are many times during the day you might find your thoughts creating scenarios about people around you, be it your mate, friend, family member, or someone at work regardless of whether you have any sort of evidence.  You might continue the story in your head and believe it as if it is true and end up having emotional reactions toward those people.  

When raw and unfiltered emotional reactions based on a personal thoughts and perceptions, are sprung on people, it usually does not end well. The accused person goes in to a defense mode and usually ignores, denies, or attacks back with resentment.  This cycle creates feelings of resentment, anger, sadness, disappointment, guilt, anxiety, hopelessness, or powerlessness, etc. for both parties.

So why the rumination? I have noticed that any past hardship or trauma that has imprinted painful experience will show up as a form of anxiety and fear about the present moment or the future.  The internal emotional pain that has not been resolved stands by for any sign to alert us to be ready for another episode.  The fear creates the projection of the past event onto whatever is happening now or a possibility for the future.  The scene of the past keeps repeating in the hopes to spare you from the unknown surprise. As if, as long as you scare yourself long enough to be prepared for the pain that is bound to happen, you will have less pain facing the same pain over again.  Not true in reality. Because if it is true, you will feel the pain regardless. And if it is not true, then you just waisted your time and emotional energy for an unnecessary pain.

So, what can you do? Reality check, ask questions that would give you answers to clarify and ease your suspicion. If you find some fact that bothers you, then deal with that particular fact. If there are no facts and you realize it is all your imagination, then attempt to complete with the past trauma to shut down the bystander that needs to remind you to protect you and let her/hm know that you are safe. Living in constant fear is painful. Creating clarity as soon as possible is the key.  

You are the one who co-creates the results in your life

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When there is a fight, altercation, or a conflict most people look at how the other person behaved, what the other person intended, and how it impacted them.  Rarely people also look at what they did to provoke, cause, promote, elevate, and create the conflict or the esclation of the communication toward a full blown fight.         

A well-intended wife who truly cares for her husband constantly disciplines her husband toward eating healthy and going to work dressed in a particular way until the husband sets a very harsh boundary by yelling and leaving the house.  A mid-level manager who wants to be promoted to top executive level but has lots of contempt for his boss and talks to him with a chip on his shoulder and a sense of entitlement.  A beautiful young woman who isolates herself without communicating stops responding, and goes on dates with others to take revenge and complains that her mate is too controlling.  A mother of a teenage girl who constantly watching and dictating what her daughter should do, until her teen yells at her to leave her alone. etc.

Unfortunately, until we become aware of our own part in an incident, take responsibility, and attempt to revise it, we will recreate similar results over and over again. When we are disconnected from our behavior and act unconsciously we tend not to notice how we co-created the outcome.  Therefore we cannot see alternative ways of behaving that may have a more favorable result.  

If the well-intended wife notices that her husband cringes and looks the other way and pretends to ignore her when she disciplines him like a child, she may share her caring words as suggestions so that he can receive the care and love without feeling humiliated.   If the manager notices that his body language and tonality reveals his contempt to his boss and that his sense of entitlement angers the boss, he may inquire who he needs to be and what kind of attitude he could have to be appreciated and noticed by his boss and get promoted. If the young woman realizes that someone who is anxious and mistrusts needs to feel secure, then instead of promoting this anxiety which leads to anger and controlling behavior by refusing to communicate and go on revenge dates, she could ask him how she could create safety and security for him so that they can get close to each other. 

By visualizing what we intend to create, we can gear our behavior and communication toward the creation of what we desire.   It takes multilevel awareness for us to be observant of our thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and impact on others.  Usually, we pay attention to what is happening to us and automatically react. It is great to also have a camera on toward ourselves to see every word and action that we bring into the equation.  Every action leads to some result.  If the result is not what we like, then it is important to distinguish what we do that takes us away from our intention, and what can we do so that we can create what we intend.  Observing the impact of our words and actions on other people will give us constant information on how to gear or shift our actions.   

For more observational skills and emotional regulation skills go to my book:  “Life Reset: The Awareness Integration Path to Create the Life You  Want“. 

Love

Foojan

Being and Healing with Surrounding – Dr. Foojan Chats with Dr. Rochelle Calvert

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-hrpiu-10b8074

Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio.  In this segment - Being and Healing with Surrounding - Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about  how to stop living in constant unnecessary fear and suspicion.  Dr. Foojan shares ways to handle a sudden unwanted change in your plans.  She brings you Dr. Rochelle Calvert, a psychologist and the author of Healing with Nature.  She is certified in a variety of mindfulness, meditation, and trauma healing practices. She is the founder and clinical director of New Mindful Life. in San Diego, California. www. NewMindfulLife.com 

 

Check my website: http://www.foojan.com 

 

  

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