In this segment of Inner Voice – Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio (The LOVE that creates Growth), Dr. Foojan Zeine shares a tip regarding how to negotiate with the art of giving a gift. Dr. Foojan will bring you the latest research about childhood traumas creates faster aging. She then shares a conversation with Dr. David Burns, the professor emeritus in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University and the author of the best-selling books Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy http://www.feelinggood.com. Dr. Foojan speaks with Bonny Meyer, the author of Perfectly Paired: The Love Affair Behind Silver Oak Cellars. Bonny shares about her grief, her success and her transformation. http://www.bonnymeyer.com Visit my website – http://www.FOOJAN.com
Hello everyone,I wish that you had a great week. This week I have been working with couples about their conflicts. Concentrating on the higher goal of the relationship which is to have a happy marriage allows each person to negotiate easily and effortlessly on the process.
Usually, people get into a conflict when their views are different, and adhering to their mate’s view or desire would mean to give up on their own. In the best scenario, if they do negotiate, each holds resentment for giving up.
Although on a daily basis, couples have to come to terms with one action to be done while they have different ideas or beliefs, they concentrate on each matter that they are different. Then they get upset about being different. I hear constantly “the problem is that we are so different”. the truth is that we are all different and that is not the problem, that is the reality. The problem is that we don’t know how to negotiate our differences in a way that we both feel great about each result even though it did not turn out to be our view.
My suggestion is to concentrate on the bigger goal = Having a happy relationship with two happy people. Write 10 items that make you happy, become responsible to make yourself happy. See your mates’ happy list, and choose to honor and offer them what makes them happy. This view allows you to negotiate with the context of giving a gift to your mate every time you negotiate on an item. This minimizes feelings of resentment. You can feel safe that there is always a great return on your investment.
Give the gift of love and happiness to yourself and your mate.
In this segment of Inner Voice – Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio (Authenticity & Clarity), Dr. Foojan Zeine shares a tip regarding how you can set boundaries even when others might get upset. she will share a research about The brain never processes the same information in the same way. Scientists have found out why this is the case and how it works. A decisive role plays a critical state of the neuronal networks. Dr. Foojan had an amazing conversation with Dr. Sister Jenna, the host of the America Meditating Radio about clearing. Then, Ora Nadrich the founder and president of the Institute for Transformational Thinking and the author of “Live True: A Mindfulness Guide to Authenticity” shares her view on how to live an authentic and present life.
I have been zooming on healthy boundary setting and communicating clearly about what the boundary is, the reasons for the boundary and what the bottom line is for weeks now. I noticed that no matter how the boundary is set, if the receiving party does not agree with the boundary or it is against their agenda, it will upset them. For a long time, I changed communication styles to make sure that it lands as loving, clear, and smooth for others to receive the love and kindness and yet know where the lines are. Yes, it made a difference somewhat. However, in the majority of cases, the person still got annoyed, upset, or angry. I observed myself when it was a boundary set by others appears to be fine, and when would it upset me. I observed how clients handled receiving boundaries, and the distinction between when they took it well, or when they got upset or disappointed by it. My findings based on my observations are: 1- When a person holds a particular expectation, whether that expectation has been agreed upon or not, and a boundary shows up that is against, denies, negates, or defies their expectations, they feel upset. They may think, “it is not fair”, “that is not right”, “I am not heard or considered” and etc. They might feel sad, disappointed, shamed, annoyed, angry, fear, etc. to the degree that a person is righteous about their expectation and holds a sense of entitlement, the intensity of the upset or anger rises.
2- When the boundary creates an unanticipated change.
3- When facing the boundary the person has to pay a direct consequence.
4-When a complex relationship between areas of life exist, such as finances and living situation, work and living situation, or finances and relationships. Therefore, when there is a boundary set on one area of life, it directly influences the other area. Even if the person understands the reason for the boundary and agrees or can come to terms with it, it still upsets them, since they have to face a consequence on another area of life.
5-When the boundary is interpreted as a personal attack or rejection. This does not mean that you have to stop setting boundaries for yourself. It means that even if people have a reaction to you setting boundaries, have compassion and understand what is the effect of your boundary setting on people around you. You can also gage the price of not setting boundaries for people in your own life.
So, set your boundaries clearly, free from any judgement toward yourself or others, and have compassion for others if they don’t like it.
In this segment of Inner Voice – Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio (Unlearn Anxiety & Depression), Dr. Foojan Zeine shares a tip regarding how we cross personal boundaries under the name of kindness. Dr. Foojan shares an amazing conversation with Dr. Sister Jenna, the host of the America Meditating Radio about changing negative thoughts. Then, Dr. Joe Luciani, a clinical psychologist and internationally bestselling author of the Self-Coaching series of books will share his wisdom with us from his latest book: Unlearning Anxiety & Depression: The 4-Step Self-Coaching Program to Reclaim Your Life .
This week I have been observing and working with boundaries in relationships.
It begins with how parents do not create boundaries for their children and don’t ask their children to uphold boundaries. Many parents cross boundaries with their children by having their children sleep in their parent’s bed. They may not knock when going into their children’s rooms and therefore, their children do not learn to knock when they are coming into their parent’s room. They can cross boundaries by negating their children’s thought processes, talking, or directing in a hostile or aggressive manner. Checking their teen’s room when they are in the room is crossing boundaries. Teens taking money from their parent’s room is crossing boundaries.
I also have been working with couples who cross boundaries by checking each other’s cell phone, computer, social media, texts, pant’s pockets, etc. Others, share their most personal experiences in their home with others without getting their other mate’s permission. Others, cross boundaries by making major decisions about their life and implementing it without sharing it with their mate.
Among friends, under the name of caring I have been witnessing boundaries being crossed by telling a friend what to do and then get angry at them when the friend does not comply, and then gossip about it to another friend.
In companies, boundaries are broken by asking employees to do things that are not part of their job descriptions or create relationships beyond co-workers or boss/employee.
So, define your boundaries, spatial, beliefs, emotional, or physical boundaries, and communicate them to people around you. Let them know respectfully if they crossed your boundary and how it has affected you. Be aware of other people’s boundaries, if you don’t know what they are, ask. If you crossed some one’s boundaries without knowing, then apologize and promise not to cross it again.
It is important for everyone to have a clear boundaries and share it with others, this habit creates much healthier relationships and much less drama within relationships.
In this segment of Inner Voice – Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio (Letting go in many ways), Dr. Foojan Zeine shares a tip regarding the commitment to fighting vs. a peaceful resolution in our relationships. She brings you the latest study about how our brain is hard-wired for longing for each other. Dr. Foojan shares an amazing conversation with Dr. Sister Jenna, the host of the America Meditating Radio about letting go. Then, Sue Willliam Silverman, the author of HOW TO SURVIVE DEATH AND OTHER INCONVENIENCES” shares her experiences and many others regarding fear of death.
In this segment of Inner Voice – Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio (Patterns of our Characters), Dr. Foojan Zeine shares her tip of the week about 9 tips to be aware of when your relationship does not work. Shared the latest research from the University of Connecticut about how rituals minimize anxiety and how human being has utilized rituals to create structure and safety. Dr. Foojan interviews Omid Nemati, the originator of the Bavecttitude Theory, and the author of “The Human Miind and Patterns of Characters”. Omid discusses in details of how the mind operates and how we create different parts or roles that we apply on our daily lives as patterns of characters.
Some people experience anxiety about their partner keeping information or emotions from them. Information such as the financial, family of origin, or affairs. This makes them feel unsafe and insecure as if waiting for the other shoe to drop at any moment and dismantle their whole life as they know it.
Some people experience sadness for not being seen, not being heard, and alone within their relationship. As if no matter what they say or how they say it, their words will not matter and their needs will not be met.
Some people feel broken under the power, or the force of their partner and feel utterly powerless within the relationship and powerless to leave the relationship.
Some are done with the relationship but feel obligated to remain due to the societal pressure, thinking that it is better for their children, not wanting to be destroyed financially, not wanting to lose the social structure that has been created due to the relationship, or they are afraid of the unknown beyond this relationship.
Regardless of the reason that their relationship is not working, their anxiety and sadness create an unfulfilling life which results in the demise of their purpose and self-esteem which will affect productivity in many other areas of their life.
How do you take care of yourself when your relationship is not working?
Observe how you are contributing to the current state of your relationship.
Observe how you think and feel about yourself and your partner and your relationship.
Identify all behaviors that you do in your relationship that you are not proud of and are not aligned with your intention and values.
See how you have lost respect for yourself and your partner.
Explore what you need to restore respecting yourself and your partner.
See how you have been lying to yourself and your partner.
Explore how you can restore trust.
Identify what your needs are and how you can fulfill them with or without your partner.
Identify all the areas that you don’t have skills yet to create a fulfilling relationship.
Remember that you deserve to have an amazing relationship. If you are stuck and don’t have the skill to create it, get support.
In this segment of Inner Voice – Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio (Releasing unwanted Emotions), Dr. Foojan Zeine shares her tip of the week about how to get closure with past hurt or people who are no longer in your life. The latest research from the University of Rochester and University of Toronto about the importance of reading your partner’s emotions will be shared. Dr. Foojan speaks to Robert Moylan the author of Emotional Core Therapy about the new free app – ECT which is available on android and google play and supports tracking and releasing emotions. Dr. Foojan Then speaks to a Veteran holistic physician Dr. Bradley Nelson is one of the world’s foremost experts on natural methods of achieving wellness. He has trained thousands of certified practitioners worldwide to help people overcome physical and emotional discomfort by releasing their emotional baggage. We will be talking about his best-selling book “The Emotion Code” provides step-by-step instructions for working with the body’s energy healing power. www.drbradleynelson.com
Connect with me via instagram @drfoojanzeine or Twitter @drZeine
