Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio. In this segment – Tune In & Tune Up – Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about knowing when enough is enough and act on it. Then she shares with you how to explore loving others even though you might not feel like it in the Ask me segment. Then gives you the latest Research done at Ohio University about how watching meaningful movies helps us cope with life in a better way. Dr. Foojan chats with Kate Eckman a Columbia University–certified executive leadership coach, and the author of The Full Spirit Workout, a ten-step system to shed your self-doubt, strength your spiritual core, and create a fun and fulfilling life. Kate shares with us simple steps in how to create a full-on workout with changes, beliefs, and actions through specific meditation practices and exercises. http://www.kateeckman.tv
This does not only relate to things you don’t like but it could also relate to matters in life that you like but you need to stop and move on.
In a scenario that one is being abused in a relationship and knows leaving is the only option but keeps giving one more chance hoping that it will not happen again. Being in a dead-end job that has no possibility of growth. Holding on to a small business that is dying down with the fantasy of a miracle. What would it take to act toward transformational change?
In the scenario that one gains pleasure from eating, drinking, using drugs and is paying health consequences, or gaming and gambling while going broke. What would it take to stop?
It appears that staying in the familiarity of what is even if one is facing a consequence, or paying a price, becomes much more comfortable than the anticipated change even if it appears to be more desirable.
Does one have to pay a hefty price before getting motivated to change? Some do. Others keep paying small prices and stop right before the disaster happens. Some endure and get used to paying the price and justify it. And some feel utterly powerless to change anything and feel like being a victim of the circumstance.
Most people feel done way before they do something about it. They begin with small steps toward change but go back into familiar spaces of what they knew. This lifts some pressure and appears that they are delaying paying a price. Soon they will be at the edge of enough again. These bargaining stages might go on for a very long time, while the consequences are getting higher. Some pay the hefty price of getting injured, becoming ill, going bankrupt, etc., and then change. And some just hang in there until the environment changes, such as the abuser finally leaves, the business completely crashes, get fired, or lose their loved ones.
So, enough is enough when you notice that it is. The rest is to have a vision of what the future would look like without you being in this situation. Becoming aware of what types of thoughts, beliefs, intentions, emotions, and desires are keeping you where you no longer belong. Noticing what types of thoughts, beliefs, intentions, and emotions are necessary to create the new vision. Practicing actions and behaviors that manifest the new vision.
Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio. In this segment –Trust your Intuition- Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about love and how our expectations elevate or reduce our love. She shares how to trust your inner voice or intuition in the Ask me segment. The latest research is shared about Intuition, or tacit knowledge, being difficult to measure, so it is often denigrated but this study shows that there is a neurobiological explanation for how experience-based knowledge is created. Then, she brings you Wendy De Rosa is the author of Becoming an Empowered Empath. The founder of The School of Intuitive Studies, she has been helping empaths develop intuition and experience personal transformation for over two decades. Wendy is a popular faculty member at the Shift Network and has filmed two programs for MindValley’s spiritual growth channel. http://www.SchoolOfIntuitiveStudies.com.
Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio. In this segment –Love & Loss – Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about the process of love and loss. She shares with you how to stop unwanted habitual behavior in the Ask me segment.
Then she brings you the latest research about People who are grieving a major loss, such as the death of a spouse or a child, use different coping mechanisms to carry on with their lives. They attempt to avoid subconsciously thinking about their loss. Dr. Foojan chats with Kristi Hugstad, the author of Be You, Only Better:Real-Life Self-Care for Young Adults(And Everyone Else) and two other books. A certified grief recovery specialist and a grief and loss facilitator for addicts in recovery. She is also the host of The Grief Girl podcast. https://www.thegriefgirl.com. Kristi will share her own experience of loss when her husband committed suicide and her process of grief which led her to write her book for young adults.
Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio. In this segment –Love, Health & Marriage – Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about regenerating love in your relationships. Then I bring you Dr. Kamiar Alaei, a global health policy expert who has been working, in conservative social settings for two decades. He has been the co-President of the Institute for International Health and Education working in several countries in the Middle East and Central Asia. He, studied medicine, epidemiology, international health, health policy, and international human rights law at prestigious universities such as Harvard and Oxford. Today we will be talking about Covid-19 Vaccination, the latest news, and blasting some myths. Kamiar.Alaei@yahoo.com . Then I bring you Mary Elaine Hegland, Professor Emerita at Santa Clara University which for the past 31 years has been teaching social-cultural anthropology, women and gender studies, and Middle East studies. She is a researcher and an author. Today we will be speaking about the everchanging dynamic of the institution of marriage around the world. MHegland@scu.edu
Exploring the idea of regenerating love in our relationship.
Why would we need to regenerate love?If we really love someone, wouldn’t it just continue the way it is?
Let’s define Love – Webster says: “an intense feeling of deep affection”. Wikipedia Says: “Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure”. I would also add “the unconditional acceptance of the person as they are and wanting the best for that person”.
Most people get into a relationship with high hopes and a high level of faith and vision to be in love, to offer their best, and see the best in the other person. As time passes they get to know each other and begin to like or dislike parts of the other person’s character or behaviors. They may start focusing on someone’s negative character in order to change it. When communication is healthy, and they hold the highest respect for their own and their mate’s needs and desires, they will commit to actions that will create happiness and fulfillment within their relationship.
A relationship can move to an unhealthy stage where people only think of themselves and want to fulfill their own needs vs. looking at the bigger picture of the US and what works for the US and not just ME. When this way of being continues, then love, giving, acceptance, compassion, and empathy begins to subside. People retrieve to their own corners and survive the relationship vs. relating and loving with joy. Love becomes a habitual, ritualistic, or obligatory concept versus a generative one. I keep hearing “I love him but just don’t like him anymore”, or ” I love her, she is the mother of my children, but just don’t want to live that way”.
There is also the “taking it all for granted” stage, which could happen to any relationship when someone loses their appreciation and gratitude for every act of kindness that is offered. When acts of kindness become routine a sense of entitlement begins to emerge and unfortunately, they forget that it is all a voluntary gift and it can be taken away any minute. If the focus is lifted from appreciating the goodness of what is toward counting all that is lacking, love suffers and gives way to resentment and anger. What is generating and regenerating LOVE?
It is when you foster the intense affection within you and give it as a gift to your mate, friend, and family. Some people only know how to reciprocate love when it is offered to them, and don’t know how to generate love inside without the trigger of someone loving them first.
When it comes to your mate since you would have to share most areas of your life and make major decisions with each other, this gift of acceptance and giving becomes of the utmost importance. Allowing yourself to share all of you with your mate and offer an allowance for your mate to be who they are with you. Come from all is great with who your mate is even when you don’t like a behavior. Negotiating a corrective action on behaviors can be done much graciously when there is no threat to your mate’s identity and character. If you make who they are bad and wrong, then they will defend who they are and their behavior.
Generating Love means filling yourself with love and acceptance and joy and then offering it to others. Every human being nature is capable of experiencing love and sharing it. If something holds you back from experiencing love, then you need to clear it so that you can experience the highest pleasure of life.
Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio. In this segment – Youth & Gun Violence. Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about how to be fulfilled in life, how to regenerate feelings of joy and gratitude. Then she shares with you about how to go from Anger to calm and joy in the Ask Me Segment. She shares the latest Research on gun violence among youth and the possible contribution of gun violence in media and entertainment on your youth desiring to use guns. Then I bring you Jill Vanderwood, she is an author of ten books for children and young adults. She is the 2008 Writer of the Year from the League of Utah Writers and the winner of numerous book awards. Jill is making a difference for the next generation by tackling the hard topics affecting kids and their families around our nation, such as drugs, bullying, and now gun safety. We will be talking about her latest book “Off Target: The Path You Choose”. Jill deals in a no-nonsense way with the need for guns to be stored safely away. www.jillvanderwood.com. Connect with me www.foojan.com
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I had my first experience with ClubHouse last night and we talked about how to be committed to the experience of fulfillment in life. We had a great dialogue, so I wanted to share it with you.
First, let’s define fulfillment. The dictionary definition of fulfillment is “the act or process of fulfilling a promise or all requirements of a task. The act or process of delivering a product to a customer”. How would that relate to life in general? So, we expanded it:The act or process of experiencing the state of happiness, contentment, and being complete with matters and situations that show up in life. It is a transient and dynamic state. Setting short-term goals and fulfilling them.
Another component of being fulfilled is living a regret-free life. To view every situation that we end up not liking or thinking that it is a mistake as an experience to learn from. I saw this quote on Linkedin ” God will put you in positions you didn’t even apply for”. View it as if with the information that was available at that time, we did the best that we knew how. And as time passes we learn more about it and add to the experience. So no regret, only learning from an experience and moving on. Having the wisdom to assess that there are times we need to do something and other times our non-action is the most important action.
Living a balanced life. A balance between responsibilities, self-care, caring for others, work, play, and giving to the bigger community will lead to fulfillment in life.
Being on integrity, doing what you say you would do, keeping your promises, deliver what you said, and clean up when you don’t, trusting yourself and others, and being true to yourself and others is fulfilling.
How do we keep experiencing fulfillment while the world around us is full of suffering? Have compassion and empathy toward people around you, connect with people’s souls and acknowledge their needs. Take a moment to see how far you have come, opportunities you have created for yourself, or have been offered to you. Feel gratitude. Offer opportunities to others in any way that you are able to. Lend a helping hand or an ear, or a shoulder to someone in need. Adjust your expectations from people around you. Assess what you are in control of and what you are not. Act appropriately on areas that you can do something about and be effective, and accept and flow with what you can not control.
Raise your level of curiosity and regenerate excitement, engagement, and joy for yourself and everyone around you.
Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio. In this segment – Letting go, Success & Kinship. Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about doing what you need to do and then moving on, versus burdening yourself with too many negative stories about it in your head. Then she will share with you how to aim for success even if you are afraid in the Ask Me Segment. Then I bring you Dr. Soraya Tremayne- Sheibani, a social anthropologist and the Founding Director of the Fertility and Reproduction Studies Group (FRSG), School of Anthropology, University of Oxford. We will be talking about the social and psychological aspects of infertility, third-party donors in different cultures and countries.
It is interesting how many stories we allow ourselves to make when we need to act on a particular behavior. At times the behavior itself is sufficient enough and the added stories become the hindrance.
This week I have been aware of this matter repeatedly with myself, colleagues and clients. This happens a lot in the work environment, in marriages, or in parent-child relationships. This usually happens when someone has to do a task at work, write a report, finish studying, write a paper, do homework, do chores at home, and many more areas. The examples are when a person needs to do a task at work which might take them 1/2 hour, however, they spend hours and days thinking about why they should do the task? Why their work requires it? Why their life is in a way that they have to have this job? How bad the company, their boss, others and their life is that they have to do this task?
The point is that you still have to do the task in order not to face other unwanted consequences. But you spend many hours or days pre-task time and many more hours and days post-task creating stories about being victimized and how the world and life are unfair. Now, remember the task only took 1/2 an hour, the rest of the time was making up and rehashing negative narrative about it.
Another example came about when a mate or a parent needed the garbage to be taken out. The task of taking out the garbage only takes 5 minutes. However, this person kept looking at the garbage and got upset all day, brew their anger, watched, and waited for the other person to fail in not taking out the garbage when they wanted it out. Finally, they did it themselves since it was smelly. Then felt victimized for hours about why they have to do this and blasted their partner or their child for never doing anything around the house. This process happened every day. Taking the garbage out took 5 minutes but the before and after narrative and the blast ruined her own day and her relationship.
It is important to listen to your own complaint and see if there are communications, agreements, or boundaries are needed to solve a problem. However, continuing a complaint repeatedly about a task that only takes minutes to complete becomes a waste of your time and emotionally toxic for yourself and the people around you. It is important for you to choose to either do the task or not. Each choice obviously has some benefit or consequences. Notice if you need to communicate or negotiate for the cooperation of another person into doing the task. If you have asked repeatedly and did not get a result, then you may need to renegotiate until you come to an agreed-upon action and time which the other person would follow.
My suggestion is to complete the task that needs to be done so that you do not have to face the consequence of not doing the task.Listen to your own complaint. If it is about you and your life, then see what you need to change, or resolve so that you no longer have the complaint.If you need other people’s cooperation, then join them and listen to see how the two of you can come up with a solution to this matter so that it is resolved.Release yourself from unnecessary negative narratives that suck your energy, create anguish and anger. Resolve your communication, agreement, and negotiations with people who you hold responsible and accountable so that it is a setup for success vs. failure.
