Youth & Gun Violence – Dr. Foojan Zeine interviews Jill Vanderwood

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-7fqss-1008493

Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio.  In this segment – Youth & Gun Violence. Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about how to be fulfilled in life, how to regenerate feelings of joy and gratitude. Then she shares with you about how to go from Anger to calm and joy in the Ask Me Segment.  She shares the latest Research on gun violence among youth and the possible contribution of gun violence in media and entertainment on your youth desiring to use guns. Then I bring you Jill Vanderwood, she is an author of ten books for children and young adults. She is the 2008 Writer of the Year from the League of Utah Writers and the winner of numerous book awards.  Jill is making a difference for the next generation by tackling the hard topics affecting kids and their families around our nation, such as drugs, bullying, and now gun safety. We will be talking about her latest book “Off Target: The Path You Choose”.  Jill deals in a no-nonsense way with the need for guns to be stored safely away. www.jillvanderwood.com.  Connect with me www.foojan.com

 

 

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Are you fulfilled in your life?

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I had my first experience with ClubHouse last night and we talked about how to be committed to the experience of fulfillment in life.  We had a great dialogue, so I wanted to share it with you. 

First, let’s define fulfillment. The dictionary definition of fulfillment is “the act or process of fulfilling a promise or all requirements of a task.  The act or process of delivering a product to a customer”.  How would that relate to life in general? So, we expanded it:The act or process of experiencing the state of happiness, contentment, and being complete with matters and situations that show up in life. It is a transient and dynamic state.  Setting short-term goals and fulfilling them.

Another component of being fulfilled is living a regret-free life. To view every situation that we end up not liking or thinking that it is a mistake as an experience to learn from.  I saw this quote on Linkedin ” God will put you in positions you didn’t even apply for”.  View it as if with the information that was available at that time, we did the best that we knew how. And as time passes we learn more about it and add to the experience.  So no regret, only learning from an experience and moving on. Having the wisdom to assess that there are times we need to do something and other times our non-action is the most important action.

Living a balanced life. A balance between responsibilities, self-care, caring for others, work, play, and giving to the bigger community will lead to fulfillment in life. 

Being on integrity, doing what you say you would do, keeping your promises, deliver what you said, and clean up when you don’t, trusting yourself and others, and being true to yourself and others is fulfilling.

How do we keep experiencing fulfillment while the world around us is full of suffering? Have compassion and empathy toward people around you, connect with people’s souls and acknowledge their needs.  Take a moment to see how far you have come, opportunities you have created for yourself, or have been offered to you. Feel gratitude. Offer opportunities to others in any way that you are able to. Lend a helping hand or an ear, or a shoulder to someone in need.  Adjust your expectations from people around you. Assess what you are in control of and what you are not. Act appropriately on areas that you can do something about and be effective, and accept and flow with what you can not control. 

Raise your level of curiosity and regenerate excitement, engagement, and joy for yourself and everyone around you. 

For more observational and integration skills go to my book “Life Reset- The Awareness Integration Path to the Life You Want”. 

Love

Foojan

Letting go, Success & Kinship – Dr. Foojan Zeine chats with Dr. Soraya Tremayne – Sheibani

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-zkzve-ffd935

Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio.  In this segment – Letting go, Success & Kinship. Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about doing what you need to do and then moving on, versus burdening yourself with too many negative stories about it in your head. Then she will share with you how to aim for success even if you are afraid in the Ask Me Segment. Then I bring you Dr. Soraya Tremayne- Sheibani, a social anthropologist and the Founding Director of the Fertility and Reproduction Studies Group (FRSG), School of Anthropology, University of Oxford.  We will be talking about the social and psychological aspects of infertility, third-party donors in different cultures and countries.

www.foojan.com

Do what you’ve got to do and Move ON

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It is interesting how many stories we allow ourselves to make when we need to act on a particular behavior.  At times the behavior itself is sufficient enough and the added stories become the hindrance.  

This week I have been aware of this matter repeatedly with myself, colleagues and clients.  This happens a lot in the work environment, in marriages, or in parent-child relationships.  This usually happens when someone has to do a task at work, write a report, finish studying, write a paper, do homework, do chores at home, and many more areas.
The examples are when a person needs to do a task at work which might take them 1/2 hour, however, they spend hours and days thinking about why they should do the task? Why their work requires it?  Why their life is in a way that they have to have this job? How bad the company, their boss, others and their life is that they have to do this task? 

The point is that you still have to do the task in order not to face other unwanted consequences.  But you spend many hours or days pre-task time and many more hours and days post-task creating stories about being victimized and how the world and life are unfair.  Now, remember the task only took 1/2 an hour, the rest of the time was making up and rehashing negative narrative about it.  

Another example came about when a mate or a parent needed the garbage to be taken out.  The task of taking out the garbage only takes 5 minutes.  However, this person kept looking at the garbage and got upset all day, brew their anger, watched, and waited for the other person to fail in not taking out the garbage when they wanted it out.  Finally, they did it themselves since it was smelly.  Then felt victimized for hours about why they have to do this and blasted their partner or their child for never doing anything around the house.  This process happened every day.  Taking the garbage out took 5 minutes but the before and after narrative and the blast ruined her own day and her relationship. 

It is important to listen to your own complaint and see if there are communications, agreements, or boundaries are needed to solve a problem.  However, continuing a complaint repeatedly about a task that only takes minutes to complete becomes a waste of your time and emotionally toxic for yourself and the people around you.  It is important for you to choose to either do the task or not. Each choice obviously has some benefit or consequences.  Notice if you need to communicate or negotiate for the cooperation of another person into doing the task.  If you have asked repeatedly and did not get a result, then you may need to renegotiate until you come to an agreed-upon action and time which the other person would follow.

My suggestion is to complete the task that needs to be done so that you do not have to face the consequence of not doing the task.Listen to your own complaint. If it is about you and your life, then see what you need to change, or resolve so that you no longer have the complaint.If you need other people’s cooperation, then join them and listen to see how the two of you can come up with a solution to this matter so that it is resolved.Release yourself from unnecessary negative narratives that suck your energy, create anguish and anger.  Resolve your communication, agreement, and negotiations with people who you hold responsible and accountable so that it is a setup for success vs. failure. 

For more observational skills, go to my book “Life Reset – The Awareness Integration Path to the Life You Want”

Love 

Foojan

http://www.foojan.com

Letting Go to Live – Dr. Foojan Zeine chats with Dr. Irvin Yalom about A Matter of Death and Life.

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-zuvji-ff37a0

Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio. In this segment –Letting Go to Live – Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about letting go of the significance we give to some events in our past. Then she will share with you about reasons that make forgiving someone so hard in the Ask Me Segment. Tips about how to talk to your kids about scary events from the University of Colorado will be shared in the Research segment. Then I bring you Dr. Irvin Yalom, an American existential psychiatrist who is an emeritus professor of psychiatry at Stanford University. He is the author of more than 25 books – psychotherapy textbooks and novels – that have been translated to multiple languages. Today we will be talking about his latest book – “A matter of Death and life”. www.yalom.com

Visit my website – http://www.FOOJAN.com

Let go of the Significance

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This week I have been observing the concept of letting go.  

Why is it so hard to let go of some people or things and not others? What makes us hold such attachments to one person and not another? How come we hold on to some memory and let go of many more?

I look back at my life and see certain happy memories are there as videos side by side with some sad memories.  But what happened to all the other memories that were part of my life?  I also noticed that with my clients.  There are certain emotionally charged memories from the past that are always there to be returned to, while others do not seem important. It appears that when an event is charged with intense levels of emotions whether positive or negative then it hangs around and other events just get pruned away during our sleep time or just fade away as non-important as time passes.

I also have noticed that depending on the meaning that we have given to the event, the decisions we made about ourselves and our surroundings and others, we give significance to that particular event.  The event itself is only the trigger for the origination of our perception. The meaning we give it is the origin of the significance for our attachment.  
When we become aware of the significance given to the decision about the self and our surroundings, then we can explore and challenge the decision to see if it applies to the reality of who we are today.  Challenging the significance to see if in the bigger scheme of life including our strength, skills, and resiliency we possess, still holds relevance.  

So, for example, if you are still holding on to a memory in your childhood about your mom or dad behaving in a particular way with you.  Observe what the child in your memory of that event thought and felt about the self and others.  What decisions did the child make about the self and others?  Is it true now? Based on your skills, strengths, and your daily outcomes, do you see that decision still relevant? If you determine that the decision is no longer necessary and does not hold value for your present life, you may let go of the significance you assigned to it.  You may upgrade the decision to one that makes a difference today for you and furthers your life toward fulfillment.

To investigate more in how you have given significance to past issues which may no longer be relevant go to my book – “Life Reset – The Awareness Integration Path to Create the Life You Want”. 

Love

Foojan

Perfectionism with Self-Compassion – Dr. Foojan chats with Julian Reeve about Captain Perfectionism

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-zf77e-fe8f88

Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio.  In this segment –Perfectionism with Self-Compassion- Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about the newness in our life beginning with Spring. Then she will share with you how to handle emotional numbness in the Ask Me Segment. Dr. Foojan then brings you Julian Reeve, a consultant, a Ted speaker, and the author of Captain Perfection and the secret of self-compassion. A Self-Help Book for The Young Perfectionist.  His adaptive perfectionism helped him become the Music Director for the Broadway musical Hamilton in the U.S. and played a considerable role in his fortune to travel the world with his work and establish three successful companies in the creative sector.  We will be talking about ways to be and work with your own perfectionism. www.captain-perfectionism.com

 

 

 

Visit my website – http://www.FOOJAN.com

 

Remember to Subscribe, Listen, Review, Share! Find me on these sites:

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*YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/DrFoojanZeine )

 

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Spring is here so is Newness

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Spring is here. The delicate beauty of flowers that are all around my backyard. Celebrating the Norouz ( New Day) and an ancient Iranian celebration of the beginning of Spring is exciting.  

I have been feeling elated about celebrating with family members.  After one year of isolation and having to only socialize through Zoom, after getting our vaccine, we are finally celebrating face to face. Being in each other’s presence is amazing. Feeling the energy of togetherness is great. Even talking on top of each other in a gathering which used to be annoying feels like a blessing since Zoom would not allow us to talk all at the same time.  LOL.

I have been feeling grateful for all of the different venues of connections that are present to us, the ability to connect to everyone in the world through technology, and being in the vicinity of someone’s presence.  I am enjoying running groups and being with clients on video as much as I truly enjoy having clients in my office and thankful to the clients that drive so far to be with me at my office.  

Thinking about what’s new in my life, a feeling of safety, security, family, union, togetherness, Love, and gratitude is felt on a daily basis.  I am also excited about new ventures such as teaching the Awareness Integration Theory at Cal State University Long Beach, offering a certification program for therapists and coaches in the AIT model, and creating the App based on AIT.  Lots of Newness. 
I have noticed there are behaviors and thought processes that I have to let go of to open the space for new ways of being, such as letting go of the expectation for people to be the way that I think they should be, people doing things the way I want them to, grow in the timing that I set for them, and react the way that I think it is right.  Most of all, Letting go of negativity as it shows up from inside myself or from outside. 

Allowance and acceptance of life showing up as is, I can choose the best of what is offered while I choose the best of my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to offer to people around me is my new commitment. 

What is new in your life?

What new feelings are you experiencing?

What new experiences do you have?

What new ventures are you excited about?

What do you have to let go of?

What is your new commitment to yourself and others?

For more observational and self-esteem journey go to my book “Life Reset – The Awareness Integration Path to the Life You Want”. 

Love

Foojan

Love, Fear & Sleep – Dr. Foojan chats with Dr. Mohammad Nami, Neuroscientist

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-wnxmb-fdc239

Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio.  In this segment –Love, Fear & Sleep- Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about how to fit too many activities into your day even when the world becomes unpredictable, and how to do it with ease and fines.  Dr. Foojan then brings you Dr. Mohammad Nami the Head of the Department of Neuroscience at the School of Advanced Medical Science and Technologies, Shiraz University of Medical Sciences. He is currently a fellow and a member of the AKD honor society at Harvard Medical School. Dr. Nami shares his latest research about the neuroscience of fear, love, romantic love, attachment, addiction, and what sleep does for all of us.

Visit my website – www.FOOJAN.com

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Planning your day with structure and flexibility

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This week I have been looking at fitting too many activities into our day.  I have been juggling different activities into my already hectic week. New activities and requests showed up and I had to make a decision about how to change and fit all of what needed to be done into a flowing and yet full calendar.  I also have spoken with people who have been juggling work, purchasing a home, dealing with family emergencies, etc. into their life. 

The short answer is a clear structure with lots of flexibility and lots of requests from others to give you their gift of flexibility.  

The path to that short answer is the following

1. Pick important tasks and appointments that are unchangeable and set them up in the calendar. (ex. work schedule, school schedules, etc)

2. Choose the appointments with people who can not be changed and set them up in the calendar.

3. Choose the tasks and appointments that can be changed and locate the possibility of moving them to other time slots. 

4. Contact the people with whom you have an appointment and request a time change.  Give them some options that work for you and see if they can match one of them. If not, ask them to give you some options which you can choose from.  Do this one person at a time so that you can only negotiate once and that you don’t offer the same time slot to too many people. 

5. Choose tasks that can be done in flexible time and set them up in open time slots. 

6. Be honest with others about why you need to change, the priority of the need for change, and most importantly your gratitude for their flexibility and allowance for this change.

7. Take a deep breath, relax your body and become present fully. 

Although this process can be very stressful, the ability to do this with ease and finesse is the key. Being fully present to every task, and every appointment is important.  At times people do the act of changing their calendar so that they can attend to everything, however, their stress accompanies them throughout and does not allow them to be present or to enjoy their day.  

Your stress will show up in your body, tone of voice, facial muscles, choice of words, and often results.  Therefore, allowing for pressure release techniques throughout the day is necessary.  Try deep breathing, listening to comedy, putting on relaxing music, exercising, jumping up and down on a small trampoline, walking outside in some green area, or a 20-minute nap can help boost your energy, or release excess stress or anxiety.  

When your day is done, take a warm/hot shower or a bath, soothe yourself, and replenish your body and soul.  Appreciate and validate your job well done.

For more observational skills go to my book “Life Reset – The Awareness Integration Path to Creating The Life You Want”. 

Love

Foojan