The habit of being HAPPY – Inner Voice – Dr. Foojan Zeine talks to Dr. Jeffery Zeig

In this segment of Inner Voice – Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio (The habit of being Happy), Dr. Foojan Zeine talks to Dr. Jeffery Zeig, psychotherapist, the founder of the Milton Erickson Foundation and the author of more than 20 books. Today we will be Talking about  The habit of being Happy.  Dr. Foojan talks about how just information giving is not enough for the listener to receive the facts. The story as it is stated drives the facts in.  Dr. Zeine also shares her view in how to handle ourself in relation to the Corona Virus. 

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How do you enroll others in your ideas?

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This week I have been pondering about the concept of enrolling others into ideas and calling them to action.  We are all the recipients of being enrolled and asked to vote this week by the presidential candidates.  We are asked by our employers to act on projects.  We enroll our children to do what they need to do. We enroll our mates to do a certain action.  You get the point.  We are constantly either enrolling others into our ideas or being enrolled in some idea or a call for action.
What is the difference between the presentations that call you to act and you find the urgency to act vs. the ones that just sound like a good idea and won’t entice you to move forward?
Could it be that you might feel non-trusting and feel manipulated and therefore resist the call to action?
Could it be that if it does not fully match your already known paradigm you dismiss it?
Does it mean that every time you are enrolled you have to create an action, or could you be enrolled but not want to act, and if that is the case, what stops you?
Do you feel responsible for enrolling others to do something if it does not turn out well for them, or you feel detached from their outcome?
What is the difference in the outcome when you enroll someone into an action that benefits you rather than benefits them?
It appears to me that when someone is clear, passionate and committed to their idea, thinks that it mutually benefits themselves as well as others, creates urgency, and is detached from the outcome, the message is delivered authentically.  However, the responsibility of the person being enrolled and how they choose to act remains on the individual who is receiving the message.  The enroller has the responsibility of being authentic and clearly communicate their intention and the desired outcome. The enrollee has the responsibility of seeing how this idea and action impacts their own life, and own the benefits as well as the consequences.
May you be open to all ideas and may you choose what is right for you as well as others.
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Love and Abundance promote cooperation and constructing a better world.

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This week has been a week of love, openness and therefore an abundance of generosity from the surrounding.
Have you noticed when you are closed, upset, tired, non-trusting, or angry, you may not be able to receive the love and abundance that is offered to you from your surroundings?  You may not see it or appreciate it.  Have you noticed that when you are open, calm, trusting, and in gratitude, you will notice what is there from the world around you and from people who are around you?
You may even notice that the comfort of you have a home to live in, furniture to use, warm water to take a shower, a fridge full of food, a car to drive, and clothes to wear, all and all is an accumulation of work of many people who work hard for you. You may notice how your parents, mate, children, co-workers, and neighbors offer you their love and service.  You can begin appreciating how you contribute to this network of resources and appreciate everyone who contributes to you directly or indirectly.
When you face the world with love and openness, you begin to realize how lucky you are to be a part of such a great and abundant network.  This view may entice you to put your all in creating a better world for yourself and everyone around you by sharing your love and kindness.
Choose to connect to the network of Love and Abundance instead of Hate, greed, and destruction.  Being a part of the Love and Abundance network will bring you joy, connectedness, and happiness.  Being a part of Hate, Greed & Destruction will ultimately destroy you since there will always be someone who can compete better than you and destroy you.  Living in the Love and Abundance state promotes cooperation and constructing a better world.
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Hang in there – Hardship builds resiliency

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This week I have been working with how experiencing hardship, although it feels and seems so hard as one goes through it, ultimately builds major emotional and behavioral skills which become a key factor for not only survival but also creating a better and more efficient life.

I was pondering on my own childhood and teen years and have been working this week with many of my clients who have gone through hardships, whether it was events that happened to them while they had no part in creating it, an illness, or they actually acted in a way that produced a painful result for them.  Without a doubt at the time of experiencing hardship, one might think: “Why me”, “Not Fair”, “it should have not happened to me”, ” I didn’t do anything to deserve this”, “can’t handle this, it is too much for me”, etc… Feelings of fear, sadness, grief, anger, anxiety, disappointment, powerlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, shame, etc. might be felt.  Major avoiding or dismissive behaviors might be used automatically as self-defense mechanisms.  However, courage and resiliency begin to operate and surface to support moving forward and overcome the meaning and the emotion felt.
Usually, as time passes, you begin to assign new meaning and contain the emotions toward the acceptance of all that happened.  You will see that what happened although it effected your life in a negative way, it also enriched your life with major skills and extended the outlook that could benefit yours and other’s life.
Go back and look at the negative and even traumatizing events of your life and write down how they benefited you.  Write how they added to your life view.  See how the skills that you had to learn at that time is being used consistantly for the betterment of your life.  You will be amazed at your growth.  While you are visualizing the past, remind the self which was going through the harsh ordeal that you have survived it.  Nurture yourself, pat yourself on the back, acknowledge yourself for coming through, and honor your growth.
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Did you make a mistake? Who Paid?

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This week I have been concentrating on what happens to us when we make a mistake.
Remember the last mistake you claimed.  What do you do when you make a mistake?  Do you claim it or do you usually see someone else at fault? Do you immediately justify it and defend your actions? Do you avoid acknowledging it and quickly distract yourself and others from the result? Do you try to mask it and make sure that no one finds out? Do you blame yourself and be punitive in your head toward yourself? Do you make it about others and how they made you make those decisions?
Mistakes are the decisions and actions that we do which at the time of acting upon a declared decision with the information that was at hand or presented to us was the right decision and action. However, when the result is not as we desired, then we call it a mistake.  Some mistakes only effect you. You are the one who has to pay the price.  Some mistakes also effect others, that means that they also have to pay an emotional, cognitive, monetary, or time as the price with or for you.
Many people are not aware of the price they create for others around them when they make a mistake and when confronted with it by others, get very defensive and upset about why others are rubbing it in their face.  Not realizing that other people actually get more upset when they have to pay for someone else’s mistake.
So, When you make a mistake,  CLAIM it.  Acknowledging that you are responsible for the result that you created.  Yes, you made your choice of action based on the presented information at the time and did not have, nor seek for more or broader information. Therefore, you have the result that you have.
Let’s learn from it and move on.  Not so fast!
See who else your mistake effected.  You also need to clean it up with them. Acknowledging that you are aware that they have to also pay a price for your action will truly be appreciated.  Ask for forgiveness from yourself and others.  See if you can do anything to repay or ease the pain you have caused for others. See how you can clean up what has gotten created for yourself.
Now, Let’s learn and move on.  You mostly learn from what you call mistakes.  If you created all the results you wanted the first time you attempted at it, then you are not extending yourself to new realms in life, since life does not come with an instruction manual.
Let’s play and learn – Let’s fall, get up, wipe yourself and jump again – Let’s Live Life to the fullest.
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What to do when FEAR shows up

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I have been working with fear this week.  It shows up instantly, it lingers, it catches you in your dreams and wakes you up from it.  It is a strong emotion that at times debilitates people.
The emotion of fear is a signal for you to take care of yourself. It is telling you that either there is danger around you in the present moment or by some of your decision making danger will show up in the future.  Trying to tell you that uncomfortableness is around the corner. Do something NOW.
Fear will show up in your body, your breathing will become shallow, your stomach, shoulders, jaws, or whole-body might get weak or experience pain.  Some people become numb and lose functionality, some will ignore it and have anxiety or panic attacks, some will ignore it and have nightmares or get insomnia. For some who ignore their fear, they find themselves not being attentive at all to daily activities and lose their productivity momentum.
So, what do we do with this important emotion?  Well, respect it, listen to it, see what the message is for you. And… Don’t let it stop you….
After understanding the message of the fear, let’s do a reality check with what really is at stake.  Is the fear real? Is the fear due to something that is happening now, or just a fear from the past, or a future that has not happened? Is the fear from the days that you did not have the skills to handle what is in front of you and your system has not integrated all that you have learned?  Is there a skill that you actually have to learn to handle what is in front of you? Can you see what the worst-case scenario is and see if you can tolerate and survive it?
Is it a matter which there is no action needed and you just need to accept what is and come to terms with life?
Let’s now focus on your strength and resiliency and bring them into the picture and action.  With the strength, knowledge, wisdom, resources that you have today, how can you handle the matter that you are facing? Who can you get the support to handle what you need? What do you need to do to take care of yourself? What do you need to do to handle the situation?
Remember, Fear is a natural emotion and is there to protect you.  So, do a reality check and take care of yourself and what is needed. Use your power and courage to overcome it and move on enjoying life.
Life is precious so enjoy it
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Love like there is no Tomorrow

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I have been noticing when one is committed to a context of Love and affinity, no matter what happens, no matter how everyone else acts, the one who is holding the commitment toward love and peace will keep their peace internally and will impact the outcome of the interaction.
I have worked with couples whom one person has been committed to holding the love, listening from the heart, talking from an open and caring place to a mate who has been raging.  The result was an amazing dialogue with more understanding and depth.  I have witnessed political debates when all that mattered was one person listening with their heart to another person being righteous and the outcome was still an unbelievable connection.
It appears that when you commit yourself to an unwavering space of love and affinity, the world could be filled with its own agenda and you will still prevail inside with a peace of mind and a heart filled with love.
Love like there is no tomorrow.
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