Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio. In this segment -Growing & Focusing on what Matters – Dr. Foojan shares the tip of the week about how to handle separation as a natural progression of life. You have asked for a simple meditation especially when we are filled with emotions, and she demonstrates one type of meditation for you. Dr. Foojan chats with Dr. Eileen Manoukian, she has her doctorate in early childhood development and is the founder of Gem Educare which is the first of its kind in incorporating the Awareness Integration Theory as a philosophical and interventional approach and adapting it in early development education. http://www.gemeducare.com
There are so many times in life where we have to get separated from people or places or items. Every time, there are range of feelings such as anxiety, sadness, anger, guilt, remorse, resentment, loss, and mostly grief experienced. It is irrelevant whether we chose to separate, or someone else is separating from us, or situation and circumstances dictates it, we still go through the range of emotions.
I have sat with friends, family, colleagues, and clients this week in this experience of loss. A family which is moving to another state due to career opportunities and leaving all other members of the family and their home behind. A man that after 14 years had to put his dog to sleep. A woman who after 10 years of marriage, got a divorce paper in the mail with no explanation. A mother who is having her only child leave to another state for school.
Many times, there is the anticipation of the pain of loss that we call separation anxiety. We have bonded and feel attached to someone, a location, or our pet. We may hold so many memories of them that mean so much to us. We foresee a future without them which we don’t know what it entails, or how it manifests. But we know that their place in that future is missing. That is when the beginning phase of grief shows up. Resistance to the grieving stage produces anxiety. The anticipation of the grief creates anxiety. Foreseeing the future without them produces anxiety.
Accepting the grief process allows us to move through it gracefully. Allowing ourselves to cry, to feel sad, to cherish the moments that we had with them, to grieve for the future that does not have them in it, to miss them, to see their value in our life. Communicating all that we need to say, to ask, and to receive from them if possible. Create a closure for the blessing of having them in that structure in our life. Completing with this phase of life.
Envisioning a life that is fulfilling as the transition happens and we move on. Envision a future that works even without them, or if we still have access, with a new way of being with that person.
Separation is a natural part of life progression. We leave our mother’s womb to be born, leave our schools to another school as we go up the grades, leave high school to college or work, leave one work to another due to dissatisfaction or promotion. We leave our singlehood to get married. We let go of couple hood to become parents. We may leave our city, state, or country to run away from discomfort, or move toward an upgraded life. We leave our youth and vitality as we enter our older phase of life. We leave our careers to retire. We leave life to death. And in between many many more separations that may be unexpected.
Separation as natural progression of life comes with its own natural set of emotions to be experienced. Feel it deeply and move through it gracefully.
Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio. In this segment –Body Talks – Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the week about how to reward yourself and let your greatness shine. She shares with you the latest Research from University of Texan in Austin about how our home décor and surroundings says something about who we are, and when we make it our own, we are happier. She shares about our new upcoming certification program for therapists, educators, and coaches to learn how to apply the Awareness Integration Theory with their clients. She chats with Emily A. Francis,a highly sought-after speaker, bestselling author, and wellness expert with an array of education and experience spanning over 20 years. Her knowledge of the body as well as the body/mind connection is extensive and her commitment to total body, mind, and spirit wellness is her driving force. She believes in a whole body, proactive approach to wellness where balance is the key, and kindness paves the way. Emily is the host of the internet radio show All About Healing on Healthy Life Radio. Today we talk about her latest book “Healing Ourselves Whole – An Interactive Guide to Release Pain and Trauma by Utilizing the Wisdom of the Body”. www.healingourselveswhole.com
There are times in life when we need to reward ourselves. Appreciate who we are and what we have done. Appreciate who we have been for others.
I have been talking to many of my clients and colleagues this week where they have come a long way, created so many great results and are genuinely happy. Yet they question themselves. I hear “Is this real?” “Am I a manic”, “I must be going crazy, it can’t be this good”.
When people have been feeling anxious and depressed for a long time, they don’t see the vision that one day the cloud can be lifted and they can feel happy. Many get caught in just seeing the negative part of their life, negative actions and intentions of others, or what has happened to them in the past which was negative. When the focus is only on the negative aspects of life, what you don’t like, what you think is not fair and what should change, then all you have are feelings of sadness, anxiety, anger, shame, guilt, remorse, resentment, powerlessness, hopelessness, etc. For many this state remains as a way of being for a lifetime.
With this all around and forever negative focus you won’t acknowledge all the ways that you are changing, growing, creating, manifesting and actualizing every day. Therefore, you don’t acknowledge your growth and results as skills that you have and own to support you in the future. You may think, feel and at times act as if you are still age 5, or 12 while the result of your life states that you have grown up, survived the hardships, learned from them and have the tools if similar matters come up.
By being aware and acknowledging who you are and what you are capable of, you can feel proud, capable, confident, happy, and fulfilled. You can allow yourself to celebrate your accomplishments. Reward yourself with good food, socializing and celebrating with friends or family. Buy a gift for yourself. Get a massage and get pampered. Take yourself on a great trip. Pad yourself on the back. You deserve it.
If you are still not convinced. Ask 10 of your friends and family to tell you the greatness that they see in you. What they appreciate in you. What they think your best character, value and skills are. Write them all down and make a collage for yourself and put it up where you can see it daily.
Your greatness needs to be acknowledged and shared side by side with your vulnerabilities. Both sides of the spectrum can be felt, experienced, cherished and shared. Let your greatness shine and be a contribution to all.
Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio. In this segment –Soulful Being & Listening- Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about how to share your power and allow others to be powerful around you. She shares with you the latest research from University of Reading about engaged listening techniques such as eye contact, nodding and using key words to praise openness helps teenagers when they admit bad behavior and share hurt feelings with their parents. She answers your question of “why are our relationships transactional?”
Dr. Foojan chats with Terri Lonowski, an accomplished Thought Leader, whose body of work in evolutionary communication is impactful and deeply relevant, given today’s chaos & ‘loneliness pandemic’. Terri had the privilege of participating in two events held at The White House, showcasing projects which embraced empathy and Design Thinking. Through this, along with her own loneliness journey and significant professional contributions. Terri has created the Soulful Listening approach made up of 5 simple, easily repeatable elements to create deeper connections. https://soulfullistening.com
There are times in our relationship when we feel powerful and at times powerless. At the beginning stages of a relationship, we may feel powerful in the way we have someone attracted to us and are willing to do any thing for us or to be near us. Yet, feel powerless when we are vulnerable, feel attached, and hope that they don’t leave us.
As the relationship moves on to next phases, we might feel powerful in negotiating and getting our way. Yet, feel powerless when our partner does not budge and we need to give in. We might feel powerful when we care for our mate, yet feel powerless when we need to depend on them to take car of us.
It appears that in any healthy relationship the element of power is an experience of being on a seesaw. Sometimes your up and another time you are down. The fun of playing on a seesaw is for each participant to be willing to go up and down and allow the partner to lead at times. The moment that one partner insists on holding the seesaw by sitting on the ground and not allowing the balance, the game is over with resentment since the other partner is stuck in the air and is at the merci of their partner to make all choices.
The beauty of being in a healthy relationship is for each partner to feel powerful in their own world, share their power, empower each other, allow their vulnerabilities to be shared and rely on their partner’s power to empower them. For this interaction to go smooth, partners need to feel safe with each other knowing that the power that is experienced is not threatening in any manner. Knowing that the power is being asserted for the benefit of the US, not one over the other.
If you are afraid of loosing power in your relationship, follow these steps:
Access your inner power
Be realistic about your abilities
Be aware of what you can and you can not control
Focus on what is in your domain of influence or control, that is where you are powerful
Own your power, don’t need to prove it
Allow your partner to be as powerful as you
Be realistic about their abilities
Grant yourself and them to be as great and powerful as you are
Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio. In this segment -The Box of Anxiety – Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about why people hate themselves. She shares the latest research about the differences in biological responses between males and females related to anxiety. Dr. Foojan chats with Wendy Tamis Robbins, author of The Box: An Invitation to Freedom from Anxiety, a lawyer by day, writer by night, and a “professional panic attacker.” Despite near-crippling anxiety, she worked her way through Dartmouth College and law school before, in her 30s, she set her mind to overcome the anxiety and panic attacks that increasingly limited her life. For the past 20 years, she has worked in corporate finance, creating, and preserving affordable housing and lending to underserved communities. http://www.wendytamisrobbins.com Check my website: http://www.foojan.com
This week I have been working with self-hatred. I have been listening to 12 years old to 70 years old wonderful people who have been reciting nasty comments to themselves for a lifetime. Some try to drown them out by using alcohol and drugs. Some cut, burn, or mutilate parts of their body to punish themselves for being the worst human being.
What makes us hate ourselves? As I have listened for the past 30 years to many people as we explored the origin of these thoughts, it leads toward how we make believe that if the world did not take care of us, then it must have been because we were bad.
When two parents fought – the child saw himself as the cause and therefore he is bad.
When an adult abused the child – She thought it must have been her fault, damaged goods, and deserved it.
When a parent neglected and was not available – the child thought he must be unloveable.
When a parent while disciplining said – you are bad – the child believed it and assigned it to himself.
When a teacher was in a bad mood and humiliated a student – She made it mean that she is stupid and no good.
When a friend betrayed – the teen said- I am unworthy of friendship. When a boyfriend cheated – She said I am worthless. etc.
When others acted – we took it personally – generalized it and made it ours – and produce feelings of hatred, disgust, shame, and contempt for ourselves.
So, how do we shed these false self-made identities?
By doing a reality check based on our actions, results, and the impact we have on others.
By healing the part that is wounded in the past and is waiting to be loved and healed.
By de-generalizing – realizing that one person’s thoughts and actions do not make up our whole identity.
By depersonalizing from attaching a correlation between someone else’s actions is not about us.
By forgiving them for what they did and forgiving ourselves for all we did or perceived.
Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio. In this segment –Preventing, Developing & Implementing – Dr. Foojan shares the Tip of the Week about when and why you become defensive when others are talking to you. Dr. Foojan chats with Dr. Nader Javadi, a hematologist and a renowned oncologist. He has embarked on innovative ventures that have made in a sought-after pioneer in the field of oncology. He is the assistant clinical professor at UCI school of medicine and the Medical Director of Hope Health Center brining precision assessment and technology into the treatment of cancer. www.drnaderjavadi.com. She chats with Dr. Behnam Bakhshandeh, an accomplished business manager, known widely as a dynamic writer, speaker, personal and business coach and trainer with over two decades of hands-on experience. He is an Organizational Development specialist. He is the author of Anatomy of Upset; Restoring Harmony, and Conspiracy for Greatness; Mastery of Love Within. In this show they will talk about the latest book he co-authored: Organization Development Interventions. www.coachbehnam.com
Have you noticed at times when you are down on yourself and don’t have a positive sense of who you are, you might be listening defensively.
Have you had the experience of asking someone – Do you know where my jacket is? and they respond with – Why you think I took it? You always blame me.and you are baffled about how did a very simple question turn into defense and an attack.
The art of active listening is about hearing the content, emotion, and possibly the speaker’s intention. However, when you have loud, negative, and self-critical thoughts that may produce feelings of guilt, frustration, sadness, anxiety, shame, or anger, you are already full and any information from outside gets mixed with the internal struggles and does not allow you to take in messages accurately.
If you observe yourself responding in a defensive manner, or receive feedback from others about not hearing people and acting defensively, then it is time to check your internal dialogue. If you observe that you only get defensive with certain people or certain dialogue, then notice what about them or what they say triggers a negative experience and thought for you.
Getting clear about what upsets you allows the observation of the source of the upset so it can be cleaned up. This process allows you to be responsible and accountable for your thought, emotional process, and your actions. Getting clear internally also allows you to be open to hearing messages from others more clearly and as it is intended.
So, if you find yourself arguing in your own head and with others frequently, then you are occupied with some negative self-talk that needs to be noticed, distinguished, cleaned up, and cleared. These negative thoughts could be about generalizing some matter about yourself such as – “I’m bad”, “I am a failure”, “I can’t do anything right”, etc. They can also be a generalized thought about others such as – “no one likes me”, “people are rude”, “everyone is an idiot”, etc. Most generalized beliefs are not accurate and many variables can be found to dispute their accuracy. So, distinguishing what is real and what is catastrophizing fiction will help you see the reality about you and others. It is much more efficient when you can act upon reality vs. holding a fantasy about yourself and others. When your head and heart are clear, you can connect with yourself and others.