It is interesting how many stories we allow ourselves to make when we need to act on a particular behavior. At times the behavior itself is sufficient enough and the added stories become the hindrance.
This week I have been aware of this matter repeatedly with myself, colleagues and clients. This happens a lot in the work environment, in marriages, or in parent-child relationships. This usually happens when someone has to do a task at work, write a report, finish studying, write a paper, do homework, do chores at home, and many more areas.
The examples are when a person needs to do a task at work which might take them 1/2 hour, however, they spend hours and days thinking about why they should do the task? Why their work requires it? Why their life is in a way that they have to have this job? How bad the company, their boss, others and their life is that they have to do this task?
The point is that you still have to do the task in order not to face other unwanted consequences. But you spend many hours or days pre-task time and many more hours and days post-task creating stories about being victimized and how the world and life are unfair. Now, remember the task only took 1/2 an hour, the rest of the time was making up and rehashing negative narrative about it.
Another example came about when a mate or a parent needed the garbage to be taken out. The task of taking out the garbage only takes 5 minutes. However, this person kept looking at the garbage and got upset all day, brew their anger, watched, and waited for the other person to fail in not taking out the garbage when they wanted it out. Finally, they did it themselves since it was smelly. Then felt victimized for hours about why they have to do this and blasted their partner or their child for never doing anything around the house. This process happened every day. Taking the garbage out took 5 minutes but the before and after narrative and the blast ruined her own day and her relationship.
It is important to listen to your own complaint and see if there are communications, agreements, or boundaries are needed to solve a problem. However, continuing a complaint repeatedly about a task that only takes minutes to complete becomes a waste of your time and emotionally toxic for yourself and the people around you. It is important for you to choose to either do the task or not. Each choice obviously has some benefit or consequences. Notice if you need to communicate or negotiate for the cooperation of another person into doing the task. If you have asked repeatedly and did not get a result, then you may need to renegotiate until you come to an agreed-upon action and time which the other person would follow.
My suggestion is to complete the task that needs to be done so that you do not have to face the consequence of not doing the task.Listen to your own complaint. If it is about you and your life, then see what you need to change, or resolve so that you no longer have the complaint.If you need other people’s cooperation, then join them and listen to see how the two of you can come up with a solution to this matter so that it is resolved.Release yourself from unnecessary negative narratives that suck your energy, create anguish and anger. Resolve your communication, agreement, and negotiations with people who you hold responsible and accountable so that it is a setup for success vs. failure.
For more observational skills, go to my book “Life Reset – The Awareness Integration Path to the Life You Want”