This week I have been focusing on how people can resolve conflict and come to an understanding.
The first point that I have been observing is people’s intentions and how they envision resolution to look like and to feel like. Most people do not have a similar view of what it should turn out to be. Each person might prefer to see the end result of the conflict resolution to benefit them in a particular way and not the other. Most people love to win or feel like a winner. So it is important for us to come to some alignment of what we want to move toward, and to see the “win” at the end be a “win for both and all”.
The interesting matter is that in a conflict, we tend to insist to talk, to share our point of view, want to be understood, be validated, and be given what we want. We may forget that the person in front of us has similar wants and needs. It is wise to begin listening to the other person and take their needs into account.
I have noticed that people say they don’t want conflict but are not aware that their way of communicating may create fear, anger, disappointment, or disgust which will not entice the other person to want to cooperate. Sarcasm, jabbing, character assassination, insult, humiliating the other person will create more conflict, and will not resolve it. Respect, acceptance, empathy, understanding, and the spirit of cooperation move us toward the resolution of our conflict.
Let’s try these steps:
- Observe your thoughts, feelings, and actions
- Notice your intention and agenda for the conversation
- Envision the future as if it is resolved and observe how you behave to create that result
- Invite the other person to talk
- Listen with an open mind and heart, attempt to understand their world
- Repeat what they said and your perception of what they said
- Inquire about what is their non-negotiable and what is their ultimate wish
- Request from them to listen to you with their open mind and heart
- State your want, desire, or need clearly. Share your non-negotiable and your ultimate wish
- Notice all the similarities
- Negotiate on the slight differences
- Give a gift of your heart and willingness to create a win-win result
- Reconnect with love
Please check my book “Life Reset – The Awareness Integration Path to Creating the Life you Want” to get the step-by-step guide on how to create great relationships.
Remember that you are one side of the conflict and that is the only side you have control over.
Dr. Foojan Zeine