This week I have been working on the subject of ways we might treat our mates as our children.
Romantic Relationships and marriages are under the construct of “adult to adult” relationship, however, many couples start that way and end up with a “parent to child” relationship when they want to care, or a “child to child” relationship when they fight.
A parent to child relatedness is when one partner holds a stance of up to down and that they know better and therefore, correct the other, criticize, discipline or punish the other. On a caring level, they overcompensate for their mate’s shortcomings, they feel responsible for their mate’s emotions and reactions, try to avoid getting them upset, analyze their behavior and give justifications for it.
Usually, in these types of relationships, the one who acts like a parent becomes resentful when they only pay attention to the other person and not care for their own needs. Feel angry when they have their own children and really want a mating side by side for life, but end up having all children at home including their mate. They get tired of this role and end up living in an angry position since the one they chose will never grow up. The one which is holding the child position gets tired of being corrected, scolded, being treated like they are less than, being controlled, not being respected for who they are, and given value for what they contribute. At one point get gravitated toward a person who shows up and sees them on the pedestal and leaves the relationship. The one who holds the parent stance is left after sacrificing their time to raise the other and is left alone since all children will leave the home someday, but with this one, with no appreciation and more resentment.
It is so important for the couple to become aware when they are not treating their mate as a capable and responsible adult, and act like a parent, or the one who acts like a teen in the relationship and puts all the responsibility on their mate’s shoulder. These relationships become very unhealthy.
Let’s not forget that when a person chooses a mate, they are choosing them for all their greatness, strength, and compatibility. So it is important to keep that in mind when the differences show up. Each partner plays an important role, an adult who is responsible for their own thoughts, feelings, needs, intentions, and behaviors. They are in a relationship for companionship and partnership. So, in this role, each can communicate and negotiate respectfully for their needs and desires. Each being responsible and committed to creating happiness for themselves and the other.
Commit to creating the greatest relationship