Hello everyone,I wish that you had a great week. This week I have been working with couples about their conflicts. Concentrating on the higher goal of the relationship which is to have a happy marriage allows each person to negotiate easily and effortlessly on the process.
Usually, people get into a conflict when their views are different, and adhering to their mate’s view or desire would mean to give up on their own. In the best scenario, if they do negotiate, each holds resentment for giving up.
Although on a daily basis, couples have to come to terms with one action to be done while they have different ideas or beliefs, they concentrate on each matter that they are different. Then they get upset about being different. I hear constantly “the problem is that we are so different”. the truth is that we are all different and that is not the problem, that is the reality. The problem is that we don’t know how to negotiate our differences in a way that we both feel great about each result even though it did not turn out to be our view.
My suggestion is to concentrate on the bigger goal = Having a happy relationship with two happy people. Write 10 items that make you happy, become responsible to make yourself happy. See your mates’ happy list, and choose to honor and offer them what makes them happy. This view allows you to negotiate with the context of giving a gift to your mate every time you negotiate on an item. This minimizes feelings of resentment. You can feel safe that there is always a great return on your investment.
Give the gift of love and happiness to yourself and your mate.