I have been pondering and sharing with you for a couple of weeks about choosing kindness and how is it that when we as humans have the option of being kind, we become mean. Today I got a dose of what I was talking about. So, this is what happened:
I picked up my phone very cordially and introduced my self, a woman on the other side stated that she was an attorney from an office which had sent a subpoena for medical record and was wondering why I had not replied. I began explaining about the HIPPA rule of confidentiality regarding my client and the client’s privilege when she cut me off and told me that she is the attorney and her expertise is the law and that I was wrong. I felt my frustration level rise by her tonality of top to down hostile tone. I tried to cordially explain and she again did her style of communication. After about 5 minutes, as I am thinking that this is a waste of my time and then projected that this person wants to dominate, manipulate, create a fight and win, I went on attack mode, raised my voice and told her that she was inefficient and had no knowledge of our field and she was wasting her time and mine. She threatened and I hung up. Then screamed so loud in my room that my husband ran downstairs to see what happened, and obviously I shared the story the way that I made myself the innocent victim and that had the right to be angry. He offered a solution, but I was not going to do the other attorney’s job for her and declined the easy solution.
Well, that didn’t go as well as I had committed myself how to be, to act, and to conduct myself. So, the question comes up again; when I had the choice to be kind, how come I chose to be mean?
I notice that when it all becomes about me, I am busy, I am tired, I don’t have time, I have dealt with this case for so long, I am being attacked, I am being bullied, I am being manipulated, I am being threatened, I don’t want to do this, etc…. Kindness is nowhere to be found.
It truly takes a “Sharing” space and not just a “Me” space to have the capacity for kindness. So, how can I get out of the “Me” space? I looked at where in that process I could have stopped the ‘Me’ space. Actually from the beginning, the minute I heard who she was and what she was going to say, I was already in my mindset about what I was going to say and she would have no room to have a say so. The poor woman never had a chance to put a word in even though it appears that I listened cordially to what she said, and the rest is history.
It truly takes a sharing and a win-win state of mind and being to create and cultivate kindness. I believe that it is an intended state of being vs. a reactive state of being.
My intention and promise to be and create a state of kindness. May you experience the pleasure of kindness.