Say it in a way that works

man and woman wearing brown leather jackets

Photo by Vera Arsic on

Anger has been soaring in society, media, community, families, and couples.  Anger fuels anger. Angry outbursts create distrust, sense of danger, sense of uneasiness, insecurity, humiliation, disrespect, and destruction.  Usually, the person who is angry in their intimate relationship or marriage is not getting their needs met, feel threatened, have unfulfilled expectations, want to dominate or control, need to take a stance for something or more.  The person who is the recipient of the angry outburst might feel afraid, annoyed, stuck, humiliated, powerless, helpless, angry and seek revenge or retaliation and more.

The angry outburst although are communicating the intensity of the feeling, they are not clearly sending the message of what you really mean across. The intensity of the anger and the demeaning words that are used to put down another person takes away from the listening of the person being attacked.  A person who feels attacked could biologically only try to save themselves at that time, so they truly cannot be there for their angry mate.
So, if you are angry at your mate for any reason, remember dumping your anger at them will not get you what you want.  It will certainly make them want to run away from you and hide or want to fight back and crush you.  So far, you will not have a caring mate listening to you. Even if they give you what you want in that instance, they will do it by holding grudge and hatred. I promise you they will retaliate soon one way or another.
How would you be able to get your mate to listen? Well, being respectful will help.  Letting them know how much you appreciate who they are and acknowledging what they offer you in the relationship will certainly open the door for them to want to be close to you and get interested in what you have to say. Being clear in what has hurt you and stating it in a vulnerable way so that the effect of their action on you is being expressed.  Allow your sadness and disappointment to show letting your mate see and feel the impact of their action on you. Then request what you do need from them.  The odds in your mate hearing you and seeing you and wanting to give you what you want goes up.  They might not do exactly what you want to them to do, give them the opportunity to say what they can do for you, and then be open to negotiating what is possible that works for both of you.
People want to care for each other and do things for each other.  Being a mate is really a beautiful union for you to share your needs and know that you have someone who cares for you to fulfill your needs.  Being loving and courteous goes a longer way than lashing out your expectations and demands.
Love with every fiber of your being and share yourself with your mate.

About Dr.FoojanZeine

Dr. Foojan Zeine is an International Speaker, Psychotherapist, Life Coach, and the Author of Life Reset – The Awareness Path to Create the life You Want. She has a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, and is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She practices in Beverly Hills, Irvine & Woodland Hills, California offices and online via audio/chat or video. Her expertise is in Intimate Relations and Addictive Behaviors. She has extensive experience treating Depression, Anxiety, Traumas, and Domestic Violence. Foojan is the originator and the author for “Awareness Integration” psychotherapeutic model, which is a multi-modality approach and intervention toward minimizing Depression, Anxiety while improving Self Esteem and Self Confidence. This Method has been published with multiple research. Foojan hosts the “Inner Voice” show in the KMET1490AM/ ABC Radio. She is a guest speaker in many universities including Harvard, MIT, UCLA, USC. She has been a guest in the Dr. Phil show in CBS, Fox, Voice of America Television Programs; KPFK 90.7, KIRN 670AM.
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